Where it all began

July 2025

I started writing regularly in my early 20s, but it all began when I was a teenager. I loved grabbing a new notebook or a fresh sheet of lined paper to jot down my thoughts and the random stuff buzzing in my head. My imagination was wild. I explored places others didn’t. Sometimes it got pretty dark, even twisted. It was a blast to make things up and bring them to life. Sometimes my writing was intense; other times, it was just a way to vent without actually hitting someone. My childhood was chaotic, and writing was my escape...

When I got married, I stopped writing. Life got busy with new responsibilities, and I didn’t have much time to sort through my thoughts, memories, fears, and worries. Then life threw some curveballs, and things spiraled. I let too much slip out of control, and I couldn’t keep it all bottled up anymore. My stress levels shot up, and I had no outlet for the emotions building up inside. Everyone needs someone to confide in, but at that point, opening up about my mess wasn’t an option.

I had a past, not one I was proud of. I did a lot of things, hurt a lot of people. When you're young, you don’t think about how it’ll affect your future. Thankfully, there’s no record of those things, just the shadows in my mind and maybe a loose word from someone who was there. I was mostly reckless, untrustworthy, and far from anyone’s best friend.

So, I turned to my journals. They became my place to dump all the junk. I needed somewhere to be honest and open, but even journals weren’t completely safe. They could be read, and then I’d have a lot of explaining to do. I wasn’t a believer back then, at least not genuinely. I wasn’t talking to God or praying about the issues I needed to work through. I knew of Him, but not enough to discuss the grief in my life.

I just kept writing. Life was chaotic, much of it my own doing. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I cared about a lot and was dealing with a lot. I had young kids to raise, finances that were a mess, and a marriage that struggled from the start. I was closed off, with few friends, and even those I kept at arm’s length. I couldn’t talk to anyone without fearing judgment or rejection once they learned about my past.

So, where was all this going to go???

I found a safe place. All the emotional, psychological, and mental chaos found a home on some fancy paper. There was no judgment, no guilt, no rejection. I had nothing to lose by sharing my thoughts with a spiral notebook with a pretty cover. What I didn’t realize back then was that these writings would become reminders of where I’d come from and how the Lord saved me from myself. He did so many amazing things in my life and saw me at my worst.

I’m so glad I have these memories tucked away. They let me reflect on the goodness of the King. I’m not worried about what’s in those notebooks anymore. I used to fear they’d be found, opening me up to criticism. I’m still at risk, but now I know I’m not condemned. I’m covered by the love of the One who loves me no matter what. That’s HUGE.

Luke 7:47-50 NIV

⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

⁴⁹ The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

⁵⁰ Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Write it down if it helps. Do it for your sanity. Or go to the Father and let it all out. He’s always listening.

Tight hugs,

Mauds