I have returned...

July 07, 2025

It's been a slow journey to return to this point. Not since Barber Bend in 2016 and the vlogging days around 2018 have I felt the urge to document the events of my life over the past 7 to 8 years. My old stuff is still out there. If you look hard enough you'll find it.

With the Death of my Father in 2021, and the medical issues that I was working through, I couldn't find the motivation to bring it every week. I was immersed in my own depression, and life simply didn't feel the same. Even still, my mind was flooded with so much content that I had no choice but to repress it. I did not know how to get traction. Now there's simply no space left to store it. It is time to slowly and strategically eliminate it from my memory banks.

Cerebral notebooks are filled with pages of thoughts and experiences, pains and struggles, joys and cherished moments from those years. I didn't have the opportunity to transfer them from my mind to paper, so they remained, gathering dust in my brain.

What made me want to write out my thoughts was my passion for paper. Collecting stationery has been a hobby of mine for as long as I can remember. There have been Hello Kitty pens and stickers, charming papers adorned with hearts and floral designs, oodles of notebooks, and paperclips to mark my favorite pages for revisiting. There was always a beautiful canvas ready for recording memories and mishaps, making it a delight to sit and write for a few moments.

When I started vlogging, I thought it would bring me the same joy. It didn't. I found it difficult to appear on live video and struggled to come up with commentary. It just wasn't the same.

I wasn't enjoying it, and it felt more like a chore than it should have.

For the past several years, I've struggled to return to what I love... simply writing it down. A lot has occurred since I first began sharing my life all those years ago. I felt the urge, the tug, the pull, the Spirit to start again, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Knowing full well that I was being disobedient in my calling. I knew it was time to open up once more. I understand the costs and the backlash, but I also recognize the timing is not mine, it's the Lords.

If it was going to happen, it would have to be through this medium. Comfort comes in many forms, and for me, it had to be this way or not at all.

So here I am again. It might get worse before it gets better, and that's okay with me. Hopefully I touch you deep within. It's going to hurt, It's going to be revealing, telling and exposed but that's ok, I'm ready to reveal myself in a very personal and vulnerable way.

I've missed you.

Mauds